Tuesday, September 20, 2011

BRAND NEW WEBSITE


Sep 20th 2011, 10:29 by E O Hatterpol | ???? AU FROM SUN


OUR SALT opera continues with comic book and manga-style illustrations, character avatars (with emotions!) and speech balloons at http://eohatterpol.com/.

Bream aboard the Starship Flybrary's new website!

Friday, September 2, 2011

STARBASE OCTOPUS GETS NUKED



Sep 2nd 2011, 09:26 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I TORE at Ravi's wall of books, my fingers searching desperately for purchase, but the man made entirely of books had built his blockade well.


"Nixie!" I pleaded.  "Nixie!  Come with me!  Sail the sable seas of outer space by my side, us, together, on the Starship Flybrary! Nixie, please!  Please, Nixie!  Please!"

Thursday, September 1, 2011

NIXIE DOESN'T MAKE IT



Sep 1st 2011, 11:02 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


THE DEFENSELESS young girls shivered in the cold air, long shadows from fires lit in barrels stretching across their worried faces.  Without power, Starbase Octopus was rapidly losing heat.


The doomed Starbase was also rapidly turning in on itself, Starbasegoer fighting anarchist fighting Starbasemen fighting frightened young girls who used to be zonbis before I tore open Heartbreak's bowels and hung him by his cords.  These men turned mad bristled at the two young girls behind us with looks of violence in their eyes.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

EVERYONE AGAINST EVERYONE ELSE



Aug 31st 2011, 15:45 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


NIXIE broke out of Heartbreak's spell just after his final breath.  I can only imagine what she must have thought when she came to her senses and saw me.


My teeth were bared like Captain Makemake's, one spaceboot pushing Heartbreak away by the ridge of his limp spine, both hands up by my head pulling tight the entrails wrapped around his throat.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

E O HATTERPOL VS HEARTBREAK, IN UTTER CHAOS



Aug 30th 2011, 11:32 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN



IN THE deep black darkness of Heartbreak's gymnasium, feeble starlight bounced off Nixie's locket.  That brief glint showed me exactly where the bokor boxer was standing, chattering mechanical bug still in glove.


I dashed and dodged through the slow-motion sea of twisting supercharged female zonbi gymnast limbs, a sixth sense of silent assassinship guiding me through the shadowy chaos.

Monday, August 29, 2011

I KNOW SOMETHING HEARTBREAK DOESN'T



Aug 29th 2011, 9:04 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


Back in Heartbreak's gymnasium, I was still pleading with Nixie.


"Don't you remember?  Don't you remember the kiss we shared?  The book we read together--"

Friday, August 26, 2011

ALL SHELL BREAKS LOOSE



Aug 26th 2011, 8:57 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"Nixie!  Stay with me!" I cried, struggling against the supercharged female zonbi gymnasts holding me back.  "Remember the bookstacks!"


"Nothing doing, E O," Heartbreak replied with syrup in his throat.  "She belongs to me now.  She IS me now."

Thursday, August 25, 2011

WILL NIXIE BECOME A ZONBI?



Aug 25th 2011, 9:33 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


HEARTBREAK'S bullwhip ripped into Nixie's bloody back, snatching away another strip of flesh.  Another piece of my heart went with it.


"Don't do this, Heartbreak!  Use me instead - I'll be your zonbi!" I pleaded, struggling against the supercharged female zonbi gymnasts holding onto my arms and legs.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

HEARTBREAK'S MASTER PLAN



Aug 24th 2011, 8:49 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


HEARTBREAK turned back to Nixie and dealt her another devastating bullwhip blow.  I cried out, struggling against the supercharged female zonbi gymnasts holding me back.


"Why are you doing this?" I whimpered.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

CRISIS IN HEARTBREAK'S GYM



Aug 23rd 2011, 8:37 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I BUSTED into Heartbreak's gymnasium, bookshield to chest.  I nearly lost my jaw; I couldn't even begin to process what was happening.


Some of it was bizarre; most of it was chaotic; but one bit in particular was mortifying.

Monday, August 22, 2011

MASTER BOKOR UNMASKED



Aug 22nd 2011, 9:05 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


NIXIE was gone; in her place, a single rose.  I bent down and examined it.  Why would Master Bokor leave something like that for me?


He must want to be found.

Friday, August 19, 2011

MASTER BOKOR KIDNAPS NIXIE



Aug 19th 2011, 1:56 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I poked my head out of the hole I had dug in the mountain of books, brandishing a small tome.


"I don't believe it!  Here it is, Nixie, just like D D Mayfield said!"

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I MEET D D MAYFIELD, HEAD FLYBRARIAN



Aug 18th 2011, 11:56 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


THE CURIOUS woman peered out at me from behind her lime green cat's-eye glasses.  I stared back, completely lost.  Ravi, Nixie and the Carptain watched us with bated breath.


Finally: the key to this mystery was upon us.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I CONFRONT THE COWARDLY CARPTAIN



Aug 17th 2011, 10:18 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


NIXIE gaped at Ravi, wondering what he would say next.  Ravi opened his mouth to speak.  I tried to chug the rest of my beer before he could say his first word.


Something is wrong with me, y'all.  But something is so right.

I GET MY DRINK ON



Aug 17th 2011, 08:55 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


NIXIE sipped sweet tea.  Ravi brought appletinis to his lips.  I chugged Whale Ales.


Time to get to the bottom of this outer space Starbase Octopus zonbi murder mystery, y'all.

Monday, August 15, 2011

THIS SHIP IS BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT



Aug 15th 2011, 14:15 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I TOOK Nixie's hand in mine.  She obliged.  Ravi the Bookman smiled at the both of us.


If only I had known such good times wouldn't last much longer.

Friday, August 12, 2011

PINOCCH E O



Aug 12th 2011, 12:36 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"So, best outer space friend," Ravi said with a smile, "have you spent my salty space booty on those rare books yet?"


I fidgeted nervously like a guilty defendant in court.  No, I hadn't gotten those rare books - in fact, I had lost all Ravi's booty gambling at the Calamari Casinos, but I just wasn't ready to tell him yet.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

SHOULD I TELL THE TRUTH... OR LIE?



Aug 11th 2011, 12:36 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


RAVI the Bookman exhibited his library.  Nixie stared in amazement.  So did I.


Although the front 25% looked even better than it had before, 75% of the Flybrary's books were still in a gargantuan pile.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

BUILD THE STARSHIP FLYBRARY!



Aug 10th 2011, 15:49 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


RAVI the Bookman and I are about to take Nixie on a tour of the Starship Flybrary, but there's only one problem -- the Starship Flybrary has only been partially built!  To date, we know of:


-- The Whale's Liver, (my favourite!), a proper pub with chess boards, books and good beer, located where a blue whale's liver would be


-- The Spleen Machine by @JimboRish, a holodeck located near the Whale's Liver which was originally the source of much drunken embarassment for tippling Flybrarians until a breathalyzer was installed as a requirement for entry (Lydia Binanay's yoga & "Exercise with Nature!" are held here, as well as X-Men-style "Danger Room" scenarios)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

RAVI HOODWINKS THE STARBASEMEN



Aug 9th 2011, 15:49 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


The Starbasemen swung their batons.  Ravi the Bookman sent a flood of books surging across the ground towards us.  Nixie and I took cover and screamed, "Eeeeeeeek!"


And although I was glad to be saved by my best friend just in the nick of time, I dreaded telling him what I'd done.

Monday, August 8, 2011

SOMETHING UNEXPECTED HAPPENS



Aug 8th 2011, 11:23 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I shook the stars from my eyes.  Nixie gaped at the wall of books.  The Starbasemen approached!


And despite all the fantastic choices we made together on Facebook, Twitter and in the comments section below (my thanks), something still more fantastic made a choice for us.

Friday, August 5, 2011

BACK TO THE STARSHIP FLYBRARY



Aug 5th 2011, 14:44 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


That stupid cop sauntered over, jangling his keys.  Nixie explained the situation.  I whipped out my smartphone.


"Let's see, here: three Flybrarians chose the noble path - the one where I stroll out of here with swagger like James Bond - and let's see... how many of them chose the violent one?  The one where I punch this punk policeman for brutalizing me with his baton?"

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I MAKE UP WITH NIXIE



Aug 4th 2011, 14:48 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

I locked eyes with Nixie.  She smiled.  So did Makemake.

I can't even begin to tell you how weird this love triangle gets.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

CAPTAIN MAKEMAKE TELLS ME ABOUT THE MAN IN RED



Aug 3rd 2011, 14:29 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

CONFUSED, I frowned.  Captain Makemake leered good-naturedly at me.  We stared at each other in silence.

Then I asked a question I wish I hadn't.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I THINK CAPTAIN MAKEMAKE KNOWS TOO MUCH



Aug 2nd 2011, 22:20 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

The guard dashed through the doors.  I gripped the cell bars.  Captain Makemake laughed behind me.

If I had known what he was about to tell me, I would have wanted out even more desperately.

I GET THROWN IN A CELL WITH CAPTAIN MAKEMAKE



Aug 2nd 2011, 15:00 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

The policeman handcuffed me.  I struggled against the chalky floor.  Heartbreak just shrugged.

If I had known who was waiting for me in that cell, I would have gladly stayed with the unnatural gymnasts.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I GET ARRESTED BY STARBASE POLICE



Jul 28th 2011, 23:54 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

FEMALE gymnasts sprang into action.  Heartbreak raised both his bulbous fists.  I held my breath.


What happened next would have been unbelievable if something still more preposterous hadn't happened right in the middle of it.

HEARTBREAK TRIES TO INSPIRE ME



Jul 28th 2011, 14:32 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"Aw, maaaan!" I said bitterly, bent over double.  I was clutching my knees, heaving, trying to fill lungs that didn't seem inflatable for the moment.  "Nothing happened!  So why do I feel so exhausted, then?"

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

M-M-M-MORE FEMALE GYMNASTS?!?!



Jul 27th 2011, 10:22 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"IT'S A juh-juh-juh-juh-GYMNASIUM, BRO?!?!" I sputtered.  "Un- uneven bars?!  Pommel huh-huh-huh-horses?!  Fluh- fluh- fluh- FLOOR EXERCISE?!?!"

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

HEARTBREAK GIVES ME HIS BACKSTORY



Jul 26th 2011, 08:39 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I GAVE Heartbreak a good look from the side of my cloudy eyes, then reluctantly put my hand in his boxing glove.

Monday, July 25, 2011

I GET CONFUSED BY MY OWN NEW POWERS



Jul 25th 2011, 13:13 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I slid down the wall and crumpled into a heap of pain, dazed by Heartbreak's Hurricane Haymaker.  I only have half a grasp on everything that happened next.

Friday, July 22, 2011

HEARTBREAK'S HURRICANE HAYMAKER!




Jul 22nd 2011, 08:39 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

I GRABBED a glass of water from the crowd, drank some, then splurted it all back out in astonishment.

“I have to fight YOU!?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

A NEW CHALLENGER



Jul 21st 2011, 08:23 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

SHE WRAPPED her legs around my neck.

Normally, I'd be happy to write that sentence, but not today.  Because then the female gymnast bent back, got her hands underneath her and whiplashed my poor skull into the concrete.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

FEMALE GYMNASTS -- MY WORST NIGHTMARE!


Jul 20th 2011, 08:19 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

“WHAT?!” I said incredulously.  “But – oh, shell no, man! – but I haven't even stretched out yet!!”

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

HEARTBREAK'S RAGGA DANCEHALL


Jul 19th 2011, 13:43 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


The crotch-level slat slid shut, eight-some-odd locks clicked open and the rusty metal door swang inwards.  This was it.

Monday, July 18, 2011

DOWN TENTACLE SIX


Jul 18th 2011, 14:08 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

I WOKE up under a mountain of confetti.  Some janitor's broom must have swept the celebration's leftovers over me, because it was in my eardrums, my nostrils and between gum and cheek.  I felt disgusting, and my tongue was thickly swollen.  If I didn't know better, I would have sworn I had a raging hangover to make the Dryheave Lounge proud.

Friday, July 15, 2011

THYME & RED LYGHTNING



Jul 15th 2011, 08:29 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


Despite being dragged in disgrace through Starbase Octopus by his former boss and comrade, Captain Makemake was still wearing his trademark smile.  I called it "grinsanity".

A PIRATE'S PARADE



Jul 15th 2011, 08:22 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I had angry Starbase policemen stuck to the velcro walls in the trampoline room behind me and a military bagpipe band surrounded by spectators in front of me.  Where the shell was I supposed to go?

SNEAKING THROUGH STARBASE OCTOPUS



Jul 15th 2011, 08:17 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I may have torn out of that bar like Rip, but I was soon forced to slow to a sneaky snail's pace.  There were just too many places where I could be recognized and arrested by Starbase policemen or recognized and reported by stupid tourist fartfaces.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

LINGERING CAPTAIN MAKEMAKE TRAUMA



Jul 12th 2011, 16:41 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I WAS stunned, to be honest.  Stunned and a little confused, too.  I had just had a strange conversation with Heartbreak about a secret fight club on Starbase Octopus.

Monday, July 11, 2011

HEARTBREAK TELLS ME A SECRET



Jul 11th 2011, 16:41 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"How?" I demanded irritably.  "How am I going to win back all that money I just lost, huh?  It wasn't even mine to lose!"

Friday, July 8, 2011

I MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE



Jul 8th 2011, 16:17 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"What was that bug, anyways?" I said, looking around on the ground for the critter. It had to have been close, because I could still hear its mechanical chatter.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

ANOTHER BUG, EWW - SMOOSH IT!



Jul 5th 2011, 15:59 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


I RAN like the Ayatollah from one side of Calamari Casinos way over to the other.  I didn't want to take any chances of being recognized again.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

WELCOME TO CALAMARI CASINOS!



Jul 5th 2011, 15:59 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


Think, I thought.  What's the one thing you could do on Starbase Octopus to win Nixie back & prove to her that you're a bad-ass?

Friday, July 1, 2011

NIXIE GIVES ME THE SHOLD COULDER



Jul 1st 2011, 23:45 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"Nixie, wait up a second!  Just hold on one minute & listen to me real quick!"

Thursday, June 30, 2011

GOTTA CATCH NIXIE!



Jun 30th 2011, 21:38 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN


"Hey!  Come back here, murderer!  Come back here & face great justice!"