Aug 29th 2011, 9:04 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN
Back in Heartbreak's gymnasium, I was still pleading with Nixie.
"Don't you remember? Don't you remember the kiss we shared? The book we read together--"
And then I stopped short. I couldn't see Heartbreak in the darkness, but somehow I knew he was intrigued.
"You didn't get to read much as a kid, did you?" I asked him, cunning in my voice.
"No," he said, anger and curiosity mixing in his. "I told you my dad thought books were for cowards who couldn't punch."
"I feel sorry for you," I pressed. "Poor bloke didn't get to read the Redwall series; no Encyclopedia Brown for you, either; not even a Berenstein Bear here or there. It's a pity."
"I agree," Hearbreak said, nonplussed. "But once I get Octopus under my boxing glove, I'll be able to read a great deal. After all, seven or eight thousand zonbis reading books all at once means I'll get learned real quick."
I smiled in the shadows. I couldn't believe how well this was leading up.
"Well, after you've exhausted all the easy stuff, I suggest academia. There's a fancy little tome I once read way back in the day, you'll love the title. It's called 'Representations of Zombis in Émile Ollivier's La Discorde aux cent voix and Dany Laferrière's Pays sans chapeau,' you silly punkface."
I felt the zonbis tighten their grip on my arms and legs in response to the jab, but I flexed my arms hard enough against them to keep my pink utility belt an option. Flounder Heartbreak; it was time for E O to shine up through this darkness.
"And by way back in the day, I mean just the other, on the Starship Flybrary, with the girl you just turned into a zonbi. That's your big mistake, friend, and I'll hang you by your guts for it. But we'll get to your death later. Onwards with this fascinating thesis, shall we?"
Heartbreak said nothing. I could feel him growing nervous in the darkness.
"You see, the author had some really interesting things to say about bokors and zonbis. She said that although the mastery of bokor over zonbi was unquestionable, there was a single condiment that could end the link between the two, even lead the latter to attack the former. A single condiment to make the zonbi rebel against the bokor, even though his vodou link remained."
"You pepper your threats with lies," Heartbreak spat. Even in the pitch black, I could hear the slight tremble in his voice.
"Pepper? More like... SALT!"
I put all my force against the zonbis' grip and reached into pink utility belt pockets on either side of my waist. My fingers found salt, closed around them, pulled them back out, and tossed them into the faces of the girls on either side of me. The wonderful mineral smacked them straight in the grill, then bounced off and fell onto the girls at my ankles.
That's when they lost their minds.
---
WHAT should I do next, Flybrarians?
A: Go on the offensive. Heartbreak won't know what hit him, especially with the zonbis going salt-bonkers.
B: Keep on the defensive. I bet he'll get so frustrated by my taunting and surprise salt attack, he'll come in for the kill and leave himself open to get aikido-flipped Steven Seagal-style.
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