HOT CHICKS & CONDORSTACHES

Jun 20th 2011, 14:45 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

♪ ♪ ♫ I JUST got a daaate! ♫ ♪ ♫ I just got a daaaate! ♫ ♫


Shell yeah, motherflounders! Your favourite space cowboy & interstellar travel writer extraordinaire just got himself a date - and with a smokin' hot chick, too!


She's about a foot shorter than me (I'm 6', for reference); she's petite but has curves in all the right places; and she's got a fantastic head of shiny black hair that falls down between her shoulder blades.


I was on my way to the casinos to nurse a mild gambling addiction when I saw her.  Back on Earth, I would have written her off as "too bangin' to give a hoot about me", but things are different now:


#1. I almost killed Captain Makemake. Street cred!
#2. Ravi the Bookman stuffed my spacesuit with hella-booty before I left. ₤ ₵ CHA-CHIZING!! € $
#3. My boy @squishsquabble helped me & General Alistair Asteroid of Asteroid's Belts pick out my new outfit: a sleek, silvery spacesuit made of asteroid threads stronger than steel but softer than silk paired with a pink utility belt that comes with an attached beer can opener! General Asteroid gave me a huge discount since I was friends with his Merch Queen @KillitCoco.  It's good to have connections, Flybees.


So I hitched up my pink utility belt & said to myself, "Sea cucumber up, man! Just go over & say hello!"


Long story short, we're going on a date this Friday! I'm going to meet her at the StarLight Espresso Bar for coffee & some stimulating conversation.  I've got four days to sharpen my game, y'all!


That's why I skipped the casinos & headed straight for the bocce ball courts.  But I had barely cracked open a celebratory beer on my utility belt when I saw Colonel Condor!  And the Roosterman!  And eight or nine fierce-looking Killer Whale elite commando-looking dudes & dudettes!


I just had to go over & introduce myself.