Tuesday, June 7, 2011

RAVI VS MAKEMAKE: BATTLE BEGIN!



Jun 7th 2011, 15:23 by E O Hatterpol | 793 AU FROM SUN


CAPTAIN Makemake lunged at Ravi with a sweep kick. The battle between books & pirate had begun.


Ravi dodged, popping two feet into the air, but Makemake was ready.  He swung full around until his back was to Ravi, then pushed off with his big arms into a two-legged donkey kick.  Ravi crossed his legs in front of his core just in the nick of time, blocking the devastating blow with his thick book spine shins.


Still, the collision was so great that Ravi went careening even higher into the air like a limp rag doll; over and over he flipped and rolled, unable to control his flight.  And then suddenly he righted himself and a hailstorm of paper throwing stars erupted from his arms, which were flashing about so quickly they could barely be seen.


He threw so many the salty pirate disappeared momentarily among them as if in a deadly blizzard.  I dodged an incoming asteroid, then whipped my head back just in time to see book covers fall empty to the ground.  Somehow, in some way, Ravi was tearing sheets of paper from the books in his own body to deal damage to his opponent.  It looked like it hurt him to do this but that he accepted its cost because it was hurting Makemake a great deal more.  But I knew he wouldn't be able to keep it up.


The paper ninja stars must have been imbued with some magical quality - a precious drop of Ravisius' own sentience, perhaps - because they cut like steel.  When Makemake reappeared, he was bleeding from lacerations all over his body.  Blood dripped over his bulging muscles and pooled in the deep craters of his head.


Ravi dropped to the ground some twenty feet away from Makemake, digging his feet into the grainy red ground to stop himself.  He was breathing heavily from the pain and effort.  Despite it all, he drew himself up calmly again to his initial pose, once again extending the Arm of Neil Gaiman palm upwards to Makemake in a kind of modest taunt.  It enraged the salty pirate.


"It'll take more than that to kill me," he said, breaking into a cackle.  "I BATHE IN METEOR SHOWERS. I CHANGE THE COURSE OF ASTEROIDS WITH A SINGLE HEADBUTT!  IT'S TIME TO PUT YOUR RAGGEDY ASS BACK ON THE SHELF."


He sprang from his crouched position with such force it could only be described as "lift off".  He sent a leg careening at Ravi like a tree trunk in a hurricane; Ravi turned the thrust aside with the Arm of Neil Gaiman.  Makemake continued his combo, launching his other leg straight up into the air.  He brought it back down on Ravi's shoulder like an executioner's axe.


Ravi only had time to block with his left arm.  Makemake's craggy leg went straight through it like a troll's club through a house of cards.  He crushed Ravi's shoulder; books fell dead to the ground, no longer possessing the glue of Ravi's consciousness to hold them together.  He was left without a body from his left shoulder down to his torso.


"SEE, TEAM D-BAG?" I yelled, dodging an asteroid as it barreled down the red slide, "I TOLD YOU STEPHENIE MEYER SUCKS, DUDE."


Now that I think of it, that probably wasn't the most helpful thing to say.  Especially since it distracted Ravi long enough for Makemake to charge up his Meteor Knee.


"THE ROMANCE," Ravisius protested, turning to look up at me. "I ONLY LIKE IT FOR THE ROMANCE!!"


"Meteor... KNEE!!!!"


It all happened as if in slow motion: I could see Ravi with his head turned, yelling at me; I could see, too, the awful inevitability of Makemake's blazing hot knee connecting with Ravi's broken body; I screamed out in terror, trying to warn him, but there was nothing I could do; I was hundreds of feet up in the air with no way down.


The impact was like an eighteen-wheeler slamming into the ground after it had been dropped from an airplane. All the books in Ravi's body burst outwards in all directions like an expanding sphere of old shredding.  Their bindings and covers were blown clear off; myriad sheets of paper seemed for a split second to be suspended in mid-air.  After a moment, they began falling in lazy arcs to the ground.


"NO!" I blubbered.  "NO!  YOU- YOU KILLED HIM!"


The shock was so great I almost died myself to an incoming Mouse Trap asteroid-marble.  I can't remember much about what happened next, but I could feel the hot tears and wet snot all over my blubbery face.


"I'LL CALL THAT 52-BOOK PICK-UP," Makemake shouted back, cackling even louder.  "NOW IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THOSE COORDINATES, THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE GOING TO-"


And then, blinding white light flooded the cave from its massive crater opening above, and a noise came with it so loud it couldn't even be heard.  It could only be felt.

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