Aug 24th 2011, 8:49 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN
HEARTBREAK turned back to Nixie and dealt her another devastating bullwhip blow. I cried out, struggling against the supercharged female zonbi gymnasts holding me back.
"Why are you doing this?" I whimpered.
Heartbreak turned to me and gave me a look that told me he couldn't understand why I'd even asked the question.
"Control, of course," he said simply. "Don't you remember me telling you that was all I wanted?"
"I do," I said, "but not like this. This isn't control; it's madness."
"I accidentally killed my own father, and he praised me for it," Heartbreak countered. "This is control. I couldn't finish high school. I couldn't even fight on Earth - all the prize money is out here now, and all the real boxing, too, to be honest.
"So now I'm going to take control. Of my life. Of yours. Of Starbase Octopus."
"How?" I asked, pushing gently against the supercharged female zonbi gymnasts. I was inching towards my pink utility belt.
"Simple," he answered. "Create chaos. My little... minions have been working diligently for the past two months, diverting all the power to my lair down Tentacle Six. It's caused some flare-ups, but all in all no one has noticed."
My mind flashed back to when I had plugged my Morning Brain Quiz Machine into Starbase Octopus' mainframe and it had transformed through an energy overload into my brand new Lightning Brain Quiz Machine. Had that been a side effect of Heartbreak's dastardly machinations?
"I'll shut down all the power - to the Squid's Beak, to the Help and Welcome Department, to the jails, to everything - then send my gymnasts out. They won't need light to see; we have a deeper connection than that. By the time the Starbasemen get power back online - if they can even manage that at all - I'll be firmly in control.
"But I need one more zonbi to give me the strength I need to pull it off," he continued, turning back to Nixie.
I screamed out in terror when he widened his eyes and bared his teeth, bullwhip high in the air.
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WHAT should I do next, Flybrarians?
A: Dislocate my shoulder, grab the beer bottle opener on my pink utility belt, use it to rip off one of the gymnasts' noses, then break free from there and start busting ish up.
B: My head is harder, so let's use it to double-headbutt the chicks on either side of me, then drop some pro-wrestler-finishing-move elbows on the girls at my legs. Beersword my way through the rest straight to Heartbreak's throat!
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