THYME & RED LYGHTNING

Jul 15th 2011, 08:29 by E O Hatterpol | 1228 AU FROM SUN

Despite being dragged in disgrace through Starbase Octopus by his former boss and comrade, Captain Makemake was still wearing his trademark smile.  I called it "grinsanity".


My knuckles tightened instinctively around my broken beer bottle sword, and I brought my new bookshield closer to my chest.  Although I knew Colonel Condor had him safely in custody, I didn't trust Makemake farther than I could throw him (and I can't throw him).  For all I knew, he'd suddenly break ranks and splinter my ribs afresh with another Meteor Knee.


His eyepatch was to me, but I knew if I stared at him with enough force he'd notice and turn his head.  My knees felt weak, like a jellyfish; my palms were clammy, like they wanted to give up, turn tail and let my weapons slip out of my hands; goosebumps ran around the back of my neck and made my faux-hawk stand up on end (well, more than it already was).


The bagpipes, the trumpets, the war drums, the spectators' cheers; all went deathly silent, as if it were just Captain Makemake and me alone again in the near-vacuum of outer space, zipping down that harpoon line amidst the chaos of zero-gravity warfare.


Captain Makemake turned his head slowly, his wide grin growing even wider.  It was like he already knew who he'd see.  My heart pumped blood; my brain secreted adrenaline.  He kept turning his head, still so slowly it was almost painful, his unpatched eye still blocked by that sharp nose of his.


A dull throbbing thrummed in my eardrums like a night sleeping next to starship engines.  I was having second thoughts -- should I duck?  Should I cover my face?  Should I run?  I whipped my head around to look back where I had come from; too many angry policemen in velcro suits were back there on full alert to run now.


Look at him, you coward.  You defeated him, I thought.


But somewhere deep down inside, I heard another voice: But only because your friend went Super Saiyan on him, broheem.


Go eat a sea cucumber, I told my inner coward between clenched teeth.  Ravi helped, but only because YOU saved him.  YOU boarded the hostile pirate ship with Makemake dangling from your leg.  YOU harpooned the escaping Starship Flybrary.  YOU led him back to the bookstacks.  YOU yelled "Yahtzee!" before stabbing his head -- which was TOTALLY appropriate for the moment and actually kind of awesome, man.


You can do this.


And then Captain Makemake's face was square to mine, grinsanity, Jolly Roger eyepatch, Whale Ale crater head and all.


And then time itself froze.


Confetti suspended motionless in the air; soldiers with fat cheeks puffing a single note into their bagpipes forever; me looking straight into Captain Makemake's eye for an eternity.


There we were, hero and villain, looking into each other's eyes so intently it was like our minds had forged a connection.  It made me uncomfortable; I squirmed, I tried to look away but couldn't; I thought it would never end.  


But then suddenly a bolt of red lightning shot across the Squid's Beak from Makemake's eye through my own up my brain stem right into my mind.  


The pain was so great it made my near-death injuries in the Kuiper Belt seem like nothing more than boo-boos with band-aids.  My mind was literally being invaded - taken over, even - by some entity that I knew on an instinctual level to be thousands of years older than me and maybe millions of times more intelligent.


An agonizing barrage of nonsensical words assaulted me from all angles: "Cannibals hurricane red hidden outer Phoenix my H Gezellig staff stranded E chest library Hauguste golden Homesphære blast ancient tips Hathaway locket mutiny the nuclear Lamplyghter space" and on and on and on for what felt like the rest of my life.


That's the last thing I remember.